Before it fizzles out and I forget – A Letter to The Collegeboard if I Were to Ever Write Hate Mail January 29, 2023
Dear you fucking schmucks i dont know your names
privacy is a strange thing in this country. we love privacy. I love privacy. I love having my curtains closed, my door shut. love other people not eavesdropping. love taking unnecessary information off my linkedin even though it is futile. and so do most good americans i know! so why the fuck am i mandated to fill out the most invasive, uncomfortable, triggering paperwork to establish that my family is poor enough to get financial aid?????????? and sure, theres a point where there isn’t really an alternative but could you make it not as hard as possible? can you allow parents to set up parent accounts so my NON CUYSTODIAL PARENT can make a fucking account without having to call you guys and be fed incorrect information for an hour???????? Can you put more than one question on the screen at a time so i dont feel liekim in this endless spiral of answering questionafter question until i die p[robably? Can you properly code your website so it changes parents to parent after I select which parent’s information i will be providing so im not doubting myself the entier time and wondering if ive bothced the whole thing and will receive nothing and will not be able to go to college? its unbelievablethat you a private compoany have been allowed to omonopolize the entire college admissions system but also its not. why do i need tto filll out the exact same info as on the fafsa but even more what the fuck is the ppoint of 5 million redundancies just let it go. i amn not an angry person. i rarelky feel anyhting more than slight irritation but i wanted to scratch my skin off while waiting for your shit website to load and waiting for each question to save and waiting and waiting and waiting foir this and that and being confused every five seconds i htought i was going to explode so please i hope your company dies and you all repent
How 2 overcome crippling insecurity April 30, 2023
Here is my guide to help all of you suffering from crippling insecurity and self-doubt
– be cooler. This can be achieved by looking cool, talking cool, overall just embodying coolness
– consider retreating from society forever. If coolness isn’t your strength, you may be better off where no one can ever see you ever again
– become the best there ever was. If small presentation adjustments and changes in your self perception are not enough, you may want to abandon everything except one goal which you will pursue single-mindedly until no one is better than you anymore
– make excuses. There are infinite reasons why you should be allowed to be the way you are. Don’t let other people tell you you’re wrong. Make some shit up about how it just didn’t work out for you but you have a unique perspective from your experiences which, while indeed only yours, don’t fucking matter and you know it
– complain. Other people really want to hear about your suffering. They LOVE having to put up with your shit and comfort you and then have you reject their consolations, thus at best invalidating their opinion and at worse exposing their lies
– let it all go. What does it matter? You will die. Existence is fragile and miraculous. Revel in the glory of God. You dont need to be the best to be beautiful. Potential is the greatest noble lie there ever was. Achievement and success are idols. You are good always and forever.
Chloe Moriondo June 12, 2023
Today, the YouTube algorithm reintroduced Chloe Moriondo into my life.
This calls for a little game. If you know who Chloe Moriondo is, I want you to predict what I’m about to say about them. I give you the following choices:
1. They bring me back to the days of badly playing ukulele and it’s cringe but nostalgic
2. I think their new music is a shocking and perhaps revolting deviation from their origins
3. Something else
Please place your bets in your mind now.
The answer is 3, something else, although 2 is pretty true (but 1 not so much). What I need to say is that Chloe Moriondo, the original yellow-bedroom cover-singing blush-on-nose-wearing Chloe Moriondo is a COWARD. And it is making me angry. Revisiting these videos I am just dumbfounded by the amount of cowardice.
A Chloe Moriondo video (from three years ago or earlier, at least) goes like this:
Um hi. *Sniffle.* I’m gonna play a little cover because i really like this song and ok um yeah *pulls out ukulele* *honestly ok cover ensues*
In some ways it is like looking in the mirror. I got to be honest I be sniffling and um-ing and yeah-ing too. But today that ends. Because this is disgraceful. You have got to be a SERIOUS artist. This behavior is just so embarrassing because no matter how good the thing you’re making is, no one is gonna take it seriously.
All art really is is a challenge to take things seriously. Everything is la di da nonsense in this world. Everything comes and goes and none of it means so much unless you choose to let it mean something. But then Chloe Moriondo goes and prefaces each and every one of their covers with a very persuasive argument not to.
And it works. I do not take them seriously. Their videos are just pleasant sounds. Not fabulously or radically pleasant, just fine. They could not matter less to me in terms of artistic value.
I will try not to make the same mistake, although I already have. So i guess what I really mean is I am going to change. I do not expect to become a confident person any time soon, but I can try to start with being confident in what I make. And that means I must stop shielding myself from criticism that does not even exist yet by dismissing the goodness and truth of whatever shit i make before anyone has a chance to see its worth.
Welcome to Neural Nirvana 